Thursday, April 24, 2008

Stay at Home vs. Working Mom Part Two: Opinions

This is not really what my second installment was supposed to be but after a comment that was made last night, my decision was made. My husband and I are trying to swing a short night out Saturday night. This means that he will miss one of the two softball games he plays on Saturday night. One of the guys on the team came to me and said, "I can't believe you are making him miss a softball game to take you out to eat." (This was said by a teenager but still). First of all, I'm not making him. We both feel that when we get a chance ( a chance being a free Saturday night with no kid stuff and my mom volunteering to babysit for free), we should take it. If that means he misses a softball game so be it. What is more important? Our marriage or a softball game? But that is material for another post.
Anyway, I politely told him I needed a break and he went on to say, "A Break?! Why do you need a break? You don't even work?" Boy did that hit me the wrong way?
Do people really think that because I am a SAHM that I don't work. I probably work more than the average man because as a SAHM my job never ends. Even as I sit here, taking a small break from the everyday things, I am constantly thinking about the things that need to be done to keep my household running. It really bothers me that people have the opinion that just because I stay at home and run my household, I'm not working.
Listed below are just a few of the things that I consider my daily job:

1. Manager: I plan meals and grocery shop for my family each week. I take care of all paperwork that comes in from school or church or other outside activities. (This seems to be taking up more and more of my time lately.)
2. Chef: I cook the meals that I plan every night.
3. Chauffeur: I drive children to school, practices, church activities, and any other events that require my driving skills.
4. Dry Cleaner: I do all the laundry in our household.
5. Maid: I clean the house which means washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, etc.
6. Nurse: Taking care of sick children and any boo-boos that occur (which has been quite often with 3 boys)
7. Disciplinarian: I am usually the one who takes care of the discipline that is dolled out in this house.
Not only do I do these things, but long after my family has gone to bed, you can find me folding laundry, packing lunches, cleaning the kitchen, and numerous other things

So if that doesn't warrant a break, I'm not sure what does? When I worked, I did get a break. Most people who work do. Whether you are a teacher or work in an office, you have an hour (give or take) to yourself. That time as a teacher is usually spent doing school stuff but not always. Most SAHMs don't get that. Usually if I get time away, I am trying to grocery shop or take care of things for my family. I don't get a break form my kids or my job. So if my husband and I want to miss a softball game to get to spend some time away, then we should be allowed to do that with no negative comments from others.

What do you think? Do you think that there are lots of people with the opinion that if you stay at home, you don't have a job? Have you had people say things to you about "not working" or "you don't have a job"? I'm curious to hear your opinion so give me a shout and let me know what you think.


Windy said...

My favorite is "what do you do all day". Well, how much time do you have to listen to my list - do you want the short or long version?
Tami, I think you are doing the right thing and besides, 20 years from now, when you and hubby don't have children at home, you will know each other because he "missed" a softball game and you took a break, had a date and connected with each other!

Southerner said...

I haven't had this happen- wow, sorry that you are experiencing this. I guess because I have so many and we home school I get a lot of "I don't see how you do it"s.

Your marriage is more important than your relationship with your kids if you look at Biblical teaching. It is not as high a priority in our society today and it should be. Take every opportunity to build up that relationship because it is so important. Don't let anything that anyone says make you feel like you are taking his time, or that your job as a wife and mom is not important. I know how hard it is to be there all the time. I hear others say they feel less because they are not in a career when they get around working women. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home. I always wanted to be home because my mom had to work so I guess I just blinded myself to what others think. I really have never felt embarrassed to be a homemaker or felt less worthy. It is such an honor.

I have been at ball tonight so shake it off, watch the ball, Good job!

chelle's winks said...

Yes...I think that is the way people feel about SAHM. They don't have a clue. It's hard... and by the way 4 other jobs you left out were being a teacher, preacher, peace maker and wife. These aren't always easy either. You and I are leaving out so many of the jobs too, the list is never ending. Wasn't there a movie where spouses switched roles?
To the teenager (who really doesn't know any better) pay back if _____ you know! You'll get yours soon enough and you will remember the comment you made to Tami.
To your husband....good man. Being a husband and father is #1 and if wife needs a break...come to her rescue always! You made a good choice. It's wonderful that you both can have extra curricular activites but always put each other first!
To you Tami.....Have a great night out girl!

Tracye said...

I haven't had this happen, either. Teenagers really don't have a clue. Usually they don't mean to be rude; they just haven't been around long enough, yet!

A couple months ago I read that sahm's were the number one profession that needs a break. Police officers (which my hubs is) was number two, and teachers (which I was, and kind of still am!) are number three!

Trust me, we all need a break! That kid will "get it" some day. He just has no idea all that you accomplish. Or, like Southerner said, how important a marriage is supposed to be.

BTW, I found you thru your comment on her blog. I was intrigued, and then a little indignant.

Keep up the good work!

It's All Good! said...

From a fellow SAHM, I'm sorry you had to endure the sting of that comment. I guess you could put it this way: You would probably have to work THREE full-time jobs along with your DH's to be able to pay the full-time salary of any of the job descriptions you mentioned, AND still NEVER get to spend time with your husband OR kiddos! God has blessed your choices, and it's only His opinion that matters anyway!

btw, I found your blog via Southerner. Look forward to reading more!

God bless,
Brenda :)